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"Who are these guys?"

Great question. Very few kids, when asked what they want to be when they grow up, say that they want to own a wine bar. And that, of course, begs the question of whether we've actually grown up.

Someone said that life was like a box of chocolates. We're the ones that have that goofy jelly filling.

Rob Wecker - Resident Wine Geek
Steve Wecker - Ideas Guy!
Chris Carpenter - Trailer Park Guy
Nate Hynson - Bar Guy
Vince Culotta - Raised by Wolves
Kevin Jones - Our Face Guy
Norton - Maximum Hound
Joe Krywucki - Joey Taters
Jackie Beal, Rian Wecker, and Katie Dewberry - Wee People
Marcie Prince - Born and Raised in the Heartland of America
Russell Braitsch - Fueled by Budweiser and Cheeseburgers
Jeanine Plezkoch - More Cowbell!
Laura Wayne - Passionate about Pan Asiatic clams
Tae Strain - Jedi Master


Rob Wecker
Our "Resident Wine Geek," Rob can recite the entire movie, Monty Python and the Holy Grail from memory. A Baltimore International Culinary College graduate, he has played in the field of food and wines for years. Rob claims to play eight different musical instruments, and believes with the potential of future cloning, he could someday be his own orchestra.

He relies on his trusty sidekick and maximum hound Norton for spiritual guidance. He collects Dr. Suess memorabilia. He is a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. He writes award-winning operas. He can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and he can cook two-minute eggs in less than a minute. He also has been known to remodel subway stations on his lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat dispersion. He is an expert in glass bricklaying and an outlaw in Brazil. He breeds prize-winning clams.

Using only a hoe and a glass of water, he once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from an attack of ferocious army ants. He reads ancient Egyptian manuscripts in the original Sanskrit. He is an abstract sculptor, a master archer, and a ruthless bookie. He was scouted by the Mets and is the subject of numerous documentaries. On Wednesdays, after work, he repairs electrical appliances free of charge. He knows the exact location of every item in the supermarket. He bats 400.

He has been the ninth caller and has won the weekend passes. On Thursdays, to let off steam, he participates in full-contact origami. He owns many of Burt Bachrach's instrumental recordings and periodically annoys the neighbors by playing them at a high volume. He has performed open heart surgery, and he has spoken to Elvis.

But he has never owned a wine bar.

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Steve Wecker
Our "Ideas Guy," and father of five, Steve is an ardent Maryland Terrapins fan who has spent most of his life coming up with bright ideas. We're assuming that this is one of them. Steve loves the food service business because you always get lunch for free, and he enjoys meeting new and interesting people.

He loves writing, and has written everything from children's stories to murder mysteries, but as of yet has not figured out how to combine the two disciplines..."it was a dark and stormy peanut butter and jelly sandwich." Steve is fabled in song and story, first appearing in the old English story of "Beowulf"-he is mentioned just before the monster enters. He is also believed to have been the model for several of the pilgrims in Chauser's Canterburry Tales, and he was the inspiration for the great Russian novel War and Peace. Because of his exploits, men still buy him drinks wherever he appears, and his legend has grown to epic proportions.

He has fought for years against society's desire to build some type of monument to his feats, and desires a quiet life in New England, preferably on the rocky coast of Maine, instead of becoming the next emperor of France. He is modest to a fault and desires only those accolades for which he is truly worthy.

Friends and associates describe Steve as "different," in a weird sort of way, and he hopes to meet all of you and see if you feel the same.

He would appreciate if everyone would patronize the wine bar as he has five children to put through college.

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Chris Carpenter
The "Trailer Park" Guy, Chris is our resident California connection. Born and bred in the trailer parks of Sunny Southern California, Chris was an avid surfer who considered a career in Marine Biology until someone explained to him what sharks were. Unable to find work wrestling alligators in the traveling circus, Chris earned a degree in Nuclear Physics with a minor in basket weaving while playing first Harmonica in a Kazoo band for the emotionally challenged. Chris enjoys tofu and Spaghetti O's and believes in life after death as a way to get out of mowing the lawn. Once a Marine, always a Marine, Chris plays pool and darts and has been known to cheat Death; mostly at Texas hold em'.

His favorite actor is Barney Rubble and he believes that there should be a national holiday to celebrate draft beer.

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Nate Hynson
Our, "Bar Guy," Nate has fallen into a time continuum in which he arrives to his entire life, ten minutes late. A University of Maryland graduate, he was given time off for reasonably good behavior though he has been cited for parole violations on an almost daily basis. Nate has hopes of someday achieving cult status utilizing his degree in Anthropology by forming a rock band using currently dead musicians who will come back to life just for the chance to play with Mr. Hynson. The Not so Grateful Dead will tour just long enough to record a Live/Dead album at which point Nate plans to kill his already dead band mates and spend his days watching Brady Bunch reruns while eating Cheeto's.

He hopes to someday own an armadillo farm and sausage ranch where he can spend the day herding Italian sausages and whistling Gene Autry tunes.

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Vince Culotta
Vince was raised by wolves until the age of eleven when the wolves got tired of his constant references to fruit forward Brunello's and left him on the doorstep of an Italian monastery. There he was educated in the way of the "Brothers of Saint Leroy, the Overly Verbose" until at 18 years of age he was given a loaf of bread, a piece of cheese and was sent on his spiritual quest.

His quest ended about three hundred yards away at an Italian winery where Vince recalls the next ten years being a blur of red wine and pasta. Later Vince did some work as a spy for the Latvians against the Armenians, though Vince could never keep the two straight creating a bloody civil war between the two countries when he reported identical information to both sides. After a short and somewhat ugly beach volleyball career, with the much-publicized "Speedo" incident, he retired from public life to a career in mushroom farming until someone told him what the brown stuff was.

He prefers cash to knowledge, and thinks life seldom resembles a bowl of cherries.

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Kevin Jones
Sent to Mars on a special mission by Appointment Of Her Majesty The Queen
Our resident "Face Guy" and assistant wine buyer, Kevin hails from the great state of Confusion where he spent a troubled youth translating People Magazine copies into Ancient Greek. At fourteen he set out to seek his fortune, and his journey led him to Bolivia where he herded iguanas on a boot farm and learned to speak lizard.

Unable to find spiritual enlightenment at the hands of South American tenement farmers, he decided to attend a national University where he became fraternity president of Tappa Kegga Beer. After cramming 4 years of education into 6 years, he went on the road to seek his fortune as towel boy for the Swedish Bikini Volleyball team. After the Helsinki World Volleyball Championships and a short stint as ambassador to Latvia, he appeared regularly on the Jerry Springer Show before he decided that a career in foodservice far out weighed a career in earthworm sciences.

He thinks that French White Wines are a good thing and that bathing is overrated.

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Norton
Rob's maximum hound, and trusted sidekick, Norton provides insight and financial advice on a daily basis to The Iron Bridge Wine Company and several Wall Street investment firms. Rumored to be the mastermind behind the Warren Buffet silver scandal, the government was never able to find anything on Norton, other than fleas, and was unable to bring an indictment for insider trading. He has built an impressive financial portfolio and is leveraged heavily into South American oil and Cocoa futures, A Renaissance dog; he enjoys the poetry of Robert Frost, the writings and wit of Oscar Wilde, and the operas of Puccini. He has traveled extensively throughout Europe and the Far East and speaks nine languages including Pekingese. When not traveling or gambling in the casinos of Monte Carlo, Nort spends his days basking in the sun and counseling investors. He prefers French Bordeaux's to dish water, and finds goose liver pate' a tastier alternative to Alpo.

He can be reached at 1-800-ASK-NORT, or at his website, www.nortisthedog.com.

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Joe Krywucki
In the United States Witness protection program
Our General manager in Warrenton, Virginia, Joe was born blind and vowel-less. He was raised by gypsy parents who made him dance for money at cheap carnival sideshows, billing him as "Rico, the Sauté Boy." This emotionally scarred Joe, who for years afterward could neither pronounce the word "casserole" nor shake hands with anyone from South Dakota without breaking into a cold sweat. Eventually his gypsy parents became United States Congressmen and Joe joined the Armed Forces of Sweden where he learned to say "Ya" and spent a great deal of time applying tanning oil to blonde, busty women named Ingrid. Returning to the States, he took up residence in Maine where he trained scantily clad Lobsters to dive into boiling pots of water to the strains of Wagner's, "The Ride of the Valkyrie." This unique talent caught the attention of Harvard's prestigious School of Law, which awarded Joe the title of "Doctor of Crustachea" with lemon wedge clusters.

Joe is currently in the Federal witness protection program and wishes to keep his true identity as Batman, a closely guarded secret.

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Jackie Beal, Rian Wecker, and Katie Dewberry
The "Wee People" at the Iron Bridge, this trio of diminutive "Bread Jockeys" first gained national attention when they successfully stopped the practice of Hamster juggling in Bolivia by going on a three day Frozen Cappuccino strike that brought this inhumane practice to the attention of the International community and an emergency vote by the United Nations Security Council. The subject of numerous documentaries and the keepers of flatbread crackers for most of the free world, they have formed a small, semi-secret society that lists Brad Pitt, Matt Damon, and Ashton Kutcher as honorary members.

When not involved in the important tasks of tanning, devouring tater tots, shopping, or working towards World Peace, they can be found bussing, hostessing, waitressing, and checking their e-mail.

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Marcie Prince
Born and raised in the heartland of America, this Des Moines, Iowa native learned at an early age that the world was indeed flat and that Columbus should have kept his big Italian mouth shut. As a teenager she won first prize at The Iowa State Fair in the Hog Calling competition where she called swine while sounding like Billie Holiday and dressing like Ethel Merman. After a brief stint touring with Benny Goodman and the Kilgore Rangerettes, she made a spiritual pilgrimage to Greece where she found her calling as the Goddess of Wine after she spent days fasting and praying at the foot of the Acropolis denying herself sustenance other than lamb kabobs and bottles of Ouzo. When the drugs and alcohol wore off, she took her rightful place with the other Greek Goddesses; Diana, Goddess of the Hunt; Morganna, Goddess of Love, and Myrtle, Goddess of Fatback and Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer. Her love of wine and linear equations is legendary and her ability to yodel while uncorking champagne has made her a cult figure in the former Soviet Republics. She believes that everyone should have a set of Allan wrenches and that if Friday came before Thursday there would less time spent on styling mousse.

She believes that there is a place for everything, and everything in it's place and that the word "chortle" is overused.

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Jacquie Dormer
Abducted by aliens ...again
Abducted by aliens when she was twelve, Jacquie spent her formative years traveling through a galaxy, far, far, away. She honed her culinary skills by cooking for Elvis and Jimmy Hoffa and learned to cook three-minute eggs in 6.8 nanoseconds while traveling 3,267 times the speed of light. After the aliens swapped her for Rosie O'Donnell, she returned to her Virginia roots where she won the "Miss Virginia Ham" pageant by twirling flaming Crème Brule's while displaying a well turned set of ham hocks. She resigned in disgrace two months later when it was discovered that she had used turkey bacon on a BLT, creating a national scandal that caused Virginia to secede from the union again. Only a new hairdo, a set of crescent wrenches and the appearance of the Warrenton National Guard restored order and allowed her to serve out her salty reign as "Miss Va. Ham." She has appeared at the Grand Old Opry, flown the Space Shuttle, and swam the English Channel. She speaks perfect Swedish, particularly to meatballs, and knows the meaning of Life, the capacity of a six-ounce label, and why the chicken crossed the road. Jacquie likes NASCAR and shots of Bourbon, thinks that Bo Duke is cuter than Luke Duke and thinks that the term "A good man" is contradictory.

She will be appearing nightly, and reminds you to tip your waiter or waitress.

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Russell Braitsch
A native Marylander, Russell spent his youth in Sykesville attending school with The Legendary Rob Wecker, The Immortal Joe Kryuwcki, and Indestructible Rob Jeffery. This foursome of culinary giants honed their early skills fueled by Budweiser and Cheeseburgers and the Town of Sykesville is considering erecting a monument to their achievements. To escape the enormous shadow that these giants of the food world cast, Russell began a career in organic farming till someone explained what all of the brown smelly stuff was and instead became the principle conductor for the New York Philharmonic. His avant garde symphonies were at first regarded as brilliant until it was later discovered that he neither read music, nor could spell Philharmonic. Destitute and penniless, he returned to a heroes welcome in Sweden where he was appointed the head of the Labor Party and towel boy for the Swedish Bikini team.

Russell loves mountain biking and going fast, and thinks that Marjoram is a totally misunderstood spice. His appearance as “Iron Chef” in which he faced Bobby Flay at Kitchen Stadium in battle “pickle” created an international stir when his winning dish of “ Pickles and Bulgur Wheat” was interpreted by some as a protest against the treatment of the Arapahoe Indians. The US government called out the National Guard, and violence was averted only when South Dakota was given back to Spain. Following this historic moment, Russell ordered two Coronas, and renounced his claim to the English Throne.

He thinks that Mick Jagger actually does get satisfaction, and believes that the word “dismember” can have positive connotations.

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Jeanine Plezkoch
“Blondie” or “ J-9” as she is affectionately known, was born to immigrant musk ox herders who combed the Baltic Mountains searching for wild oxen and misplaced vowels. She was trapped as a young girl by an avalanche for six days and survived only by consuming cases of frozen Twinkies and listening to Beach Boy Albums for warmth. When she escaped with the help of the Swiss Ski Team and several hundred cowbells, she vowed to never go hungry again, for tomorrow is, another day.

She soon turned to the kindness of strangers and gained power and fortune when she created a small solar device that turned chicken livers into gold. Having sold the device to a band of Chilean terrorists, she embarked on a ten-year journey for spiritual enlightenment that ended at “Minnie’s Soul Shack” in Memphis and a large order of Chili cheese fries. After the grease and cheese wore off, J-9 joined the US Army’s Special Forces unit and became a covert operative where she spent time tanning in hostile countries all over the world.

She is convinced that the deer and the antelope don’t really play on the Range but merely appear to be having fun, and supports a woman’s right to choose shoes that make her taller, and likes to say the word “clapboard” when no one else is listening.

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Laura Wayne

Perhaps the best Laura Wayne ever, Laura studied at the famed Oxford University in England where she earned a doctorate degree in Studies in Futility. Failing to achieve world peace and removal of the letter “G” from the English language, she moved from the study of Byzantine Architecture to the life of a nomadic camel herder, preferring the smell of camel dung and five day old pita bread to the flying buttresses of St. Peters Cathedral.

Laura became passionate about the migratory life of Pan Asiatic clams and spent years on the Pacific Rim protesting the sale of clam fritters by Taiwanese boat people. Her world wide efforts led to the cancellation of the 100 meter dash at the Athens Olympics and the elimination of Tartar sauce from all fish and chips dinners in the United Kingdom.

After a brief appearance as a stand in for Vanna White on Wheel of Fortune she emerged victorious in the World Series of Poker, beating both Minnesota Fats and Amarillo Slim in the final when she drew to an inside straight while blindfolded and handcuffed. She cashed her chips in for the 34 Million dollar prize and proceeded to take a nap.

Don’t tell her to have a nice day, and please be sure to tip your waitstaff

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Tae Strain
Born in South Korea, Tae discovered at the age of 18 that he was technically “Asian” and therefore had to renounce his claim to the throne of the Hapsburg dynasty in Europe and could no longer be called by the title ” Frederick the Pantless” as he had always dreamed of as a boy. Tae spent his formidable years studying to be a Jedi master and was able to control the “force” to the point that he destroyed several small planets by simply moving “family meal” with his mind.

He enjoys playing Dominos with migratory caribou and yodeling and thinks that Armenians should not be allowed to vote in Congressional elections. He only dates in years that have two total solar eclipses, and can name every breed of chicken in the Southern Hemisphere. His culinary skills are legendary, his drinking prowess unquestioned, and he once placed second in “Dancing with the Stars” teamed with Giada Delaurantis, who lovingly called him the next great Broadway Choreographer.

Tae is an avid sportsman, and nearly pursued a career in the NBA till he discovered he had no shot, and almost imperceptible vertical leap, and looked silly in baggy shorts.

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